


Priorities

by der_tanzer



Series: Protective Custody [20]
Category: Riptide (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-19
Updated: 2010-07-19
Packaged: 2017-10-10 16:11:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/101626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/der_tanzer/pseuds/der_tanzer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Murray has an exciting new friend and colleague whose true motives are clear to everyone but him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Priorities

"Where are you off to now?" Nick asked as Murray gathered up his books. "We hardly ever see you anymore."

"I'm meeting Tony to work on his new chemistry experiment."

"Who's Tony?"

"Oh, you remember him. He took my class in remedial physics last semester? He's been over here a couple of times to look at my computer games."

"That tall blond guy?" Cody asked, winking at Nick, who responded with a frown. "He's cute."

"What? Oh, yes, I suppose he is. Anyway, we're going to work on this experiment for a while, and then I'm going over to Ted's for dinner."

"Does that mean you're not going to be home tonight?"

"I don't know yet. Don't wait up, okay?"

"You bet," Nick grinned. "Have a good time."

Murray was borrowing the Jimmy for the day and Cody gave him the keys as he headed out. He hummed a little tune as he went up to the car and dumped his books into the passenger seat. The chemistry project was fascinating and he was excited about being a part of it. Tony Simmons was working on a fuel additive that would increase the gas mileage of the average vehicle by twenty percent, and while Murray wasn't sure he was on the right track, the possibilities were thrilling. While he owned a lot of patents, most of his inventions didn't have wide applications and he wasn't making much money on them. Getting his name on a patent like this, assuming it worked, could set him for life.

***

Murray rang the bell at Ted's and then let himself in. Quinlan was lying on the sofa, watching TV and drinking a beer.

"Hey, Lieutenant. How was your day?"

"Long. Spent most of it running down leads in that hotel theft case and the rest of it writing reports. Then I made that roast you wanted, but it dried out and went to hell a couple hours ago. Since then, I been watching TV and getting drunk. How was your day?"

"Oh, it was great," Murray said happily, totally missing the sarcasm. "Tony's making some real progress on his fuel additive. Even if it doesn't directly impact fuel efficiency, it has some powerful degreasing properties that probably have other applications."

"That's good. I don't mind ruining a ten dollar roast if it means you can reinvent WD-40. That's completely worth it."

"Oh, well, we had a pizza a couple of hours ago. I guess I lost track of time. And it's not exactly WD-40, it's more like—like…" He paused and blushed as the sarcasm sank in. "Ted, I'm sorry. I got all involved and forgot about the roast. I meant to be here hours ago, but…" He decided not to mention again how cool and interesting the project was. It might sound like he preferred work to spending time with Ted, and it was only just sinking in that Ted already thought that. "Anyway, I'm sorry you had such a hard day. Did you eat? I can make you something."

"I ain't hungry. In fact, I oughta go to bed. I got work in the morning."

"Oh. But you _did_ eat, didn't you?"

"Yeah, I had some beef leather a while ago." He picked up the remote and turned off the TV. "I'm going to bed."

"Oh, okay," he said, blushing again when he realized he'd begun almost every sentence with _oh_ since he walked in the door. He put down his book bag and moved closer to the sofa where Ted was sitting up. "Do you want me to go? Because I'd like to stay awhile."

"Really? Are you sure you wouldn't rather be with Tony, eating pizza and inventing stuff? Because that's mostly what you do these days."

"That's not true," he said without thinking. "I've been working cases with Nick and Cody, and teaching two days a week, so I hardly ever see Tony."

"You still see him more than you do me."

"Oh," he said and blushed harder when he heard it. He had to stop saying that. "Ted, I love you. I'm sorry I haven't been around much, but you have to know that Tony's just a friend. Hardly even that, really. He's a—a colleague. It's just _work_. You're the one I _want_ to be with."

"Is that right," he said, his voice softening. "Think you might be able to make some time for that?"

"I sure want to. Maybe I take you for granted a little, but it's not—it's my fault, that's all. I just get so involved in work, you know." He sat down beside Ted and tickled the back of his neck lightly. "When I'm thinking about sex, I'm thinking about you."

"So what are you thinking about now?"

"I'm thinking I've got the car so I can stay all night. If that's what you want."

"You always know what I want to hear."

When Ted fucked him that night, there was a decided possessiveness that Murray hadn't felt since the early days when he still went out with other people, with _women_, and experienced Ted's relief at his return. It was gentle and rough all at once, the cock inside him thrusting slow and smooth while his hands were squeezed with crushing force and the teeth in his shoulder nearly drew blood. Murray wanted it harder and faster, more rough than gentle, and was denied it by the heavier body that held him down. This time he would have to take it the way it was offered, and when Ted came, nudging his gland tenderly, Murray was still writhing and straining beneath him, pleading for satisfaction.

"Am I being punished?" he panted, as Ted withdrew and turned him over.

"Not by me." He took Murray's cock in his mouth, slipping two fingers into him at the same time, and suddenly Murray understood that he was being rewarded.

"Oh, Ted, that's good. That's so—so _good_," he groaned, his vocabulary escaping him for the moment. His hands scrambled on Ted's shoulders, seeking purchase on the sweat-slick skin and finding none. But then Ted's fingertips touched his prostate, their free hands twined together, and Murray's pleasure was complete. He cried out, thrusting frantically as his lover swallowed him, and in the end the fingernail marks on Ted's shoulders were almost as deep as the teeth marks on his own.

"I bet Tony doesn't know how to do that," Ted murmured, kissing his way up Murray's chest.

"I wouldn't know," Murray said calmly, knowing it was mostly a joke, and too thoroughly satiated to take offense, anyway. "But that's not the only reason I like you better."

"No?"

"Not even close. Can I have a shower, Lieutenant?"

"Anything you want, babe."

"Then I want you to come with me. I don't want to come back and find you sleeping."

"You sure know me," Ted laughed, giving him one last kiss before they got out of bed.

Murray meant everything he'd said, and he genuinely intended to work less and spend more time with his lover, who didn't really have other close friends. He was thinking as they showered about how to manage his time better, and promised to be there for supper tomorrow while they changed the sheets. He fell asleep with his guilt assuaged, confident that everything was all right.

***

It was Saturday night and Nick and Cody were going out for their weekly date at _Straightaway's_. Usually it was a break from Murray and the job; their chance to forget about everything else and just be together, even if it was in public. But tonight was a little different. There hadn't been any stressful cases that week. Just a few bonded deliveries, which were too much like driving around in Nick's Vette with the wind in their hair to feel like work. And Murray hadn't been around at all. Between his classes, his work with Tony, and his evenings with Ted, he'd barely been home all week, and Cody's jokes about getting Murray his own car were sounding less funny all the time.

It also wasn't funny when they walked into the dining room and saw Quinlan sitting at the bar. Alone.

"They had a date, right?" Cody whispered to Nick as the waitress showed them to their table.

"I think so. Maybe Murray's in the can."

"I doubt it. Look at him. That's a man who got stood up if I've ever seen one."

"Shit," Nick muttered. "What's going on with Murray lately? He's never where he's supposed to be anymore. The bills aren't paid, the checkbook's overdrawn—yesterday I found a stack of checks on his desk that should have gone to the bank a week ago."

"Maybe we should ask Ted. Even if he doesn't know what's going on, he might want someone to talk to."

"Great. That's just what I want to do over dinner. Discuss Quinlan's love life."

"We want to discuss _Murray's_ life. I'm going to invite him over."

"No, Cody, don't," Nick hissed, but it was too late. He was already up and heading for the bar. After a brief but heated debate, Quinlan came back with him and pulled up a chair on the other side of the table.

"Evening, Lieutenant," Nick said pleasantly and was answered with a half smile and a nod. He wasn't sure he'd ever seen Quinlan quite so uncomfortable and that made losing their cozy little dinner almost worthwhile.

"Is Murray running late?" Cody asked.

"Only an hour and a half," Ted shrugged. "That's not real unusual for him these days."

"Yeah, we've noticed some of that ourselves. Any idea what's going on?"

"It's that new friend of his, Tony something or other. First it was the fuel additive project, and now they've switched to some kind of degreaser, but he's already talking about doing some electronic work with him when this is done."

"Right, he gave me a sample of the degreaser when I was working on _Mimi_ the other day. I have to admit, it's good stuff. Gave me a little rash where I got it on my hand, but he said they could add something to keep that from happening."

"So he talks to you two about all this shit?"

"Sometimes," Cody said. "Well, he talks a lot, and we understand some of it. Or he did. We don't see him much anymore."

"That's the problem," Ted agreed. "He's always talked about his work and I've never understood it. Now he's found a young good-looking guy who does."

"You don't think there's anything going on _besides_ work, do you? Because Murray might be getting flaky lately, but he's never been that kind of guy."

"Sure he has. How many times has he left me now? Three?"

"That's not the same thing," Nick said patiently. "He let those girls turn his head, sure, but that was different. With Jodie, you had that deal where you weren't committed and he wanted a commitment. That other chick, Stephanie, she manipulated him. He never had a chance and you know it. And he hasn't so much as looked at anyone since you finally swallowed your damn pride and told him you love him."

"Right, we've only split up once since then."

"That was my fault. He has trust issues. You know that."

"What I know is that somehow I ended up being way more committed to this relationship than he is."

"That's not true," Cody insisted. "Those girls were years ago. And that other thing—he never meant anything by it. He's just excitable. How long were you apart? Two days? You can trust me when I say he never so much as looked at anyone else, man or woman."

"Sure. But I bet he's looking now. This guy is perfect for him. He's—he's everything I'm not."

"Does that include straight?" Nick asked, fighting back a grin.

"What?"

"No, he's right," Cody seconded. "Do you even know this guy is gay? What makes you think _he's_ interested in Murray?"

"Murray didn't say he was interested, but I guess he did just break up with his boyfriend. Some marine biologist or something. Jesus. I ought to just end it now and let him off the hook."

"You've been drinking for a while, haven't you?" Cody asked sympathetically.

"I've been sitting here for an hour and a half. What do you think?"

"I think we ought to call a cab and get you home. If—I mean _when_—Murray turns up, we'll send him over there. Okay?"

"I may as well. He ain't coming." Ted got up and turned uncertainly toward the door.

"Hang on a minute," Nick said, breaking a lifetime vow and grabbing his wrist in gentle restraint. "Let's get that cab. You can pick up your car tomorrow."

There was a brief but intense battle while the cop in him fought the humiliated fool, but ultimately the cop won. Ted sat down and took a breadstick from the basket.

"I guess so," he sighed, knowing he would regret it in the morning.

The cab was there in five minutes and Ted slunk out the door, leaving Nick and Cody to the remains of their date. But neither felt very romantic anymore.

Murray never did show up.

***

The guys were eating breakfast in the galley when Murray came home, looking haggard and worn out, but still excited. He put his books in his room and came bouncing back in, his eyes alight in spite of the dark circles beneath them. He was talking a mile a minute about the breakthrough they'd made by adding aloe to the degreaser and didn't notice at first that his friends weren't just their normal disinterested selves. It took nearly five minutes for it to sink in that they were angry.

"Something wrong, guys?" he asked, sitting down beside Cody with his cereal.

"I don't know, buddy. Is there?" Cody asked evenly.

"What?"

"Where were you last night?" Nick asked.

"Oh. I was at the lab with Tony. I just completely lost track of time and before I knew it, it was after midnight."

"So you spent the night with him?"

"Working with him, yes. Why?"

"Didn't you have a date with Ted last night?" Cody asked gently.

"Yes, and I completely forgot. Like I said, it was midnight before I realized what time it was, and then it was too late to call him. It's funny, but Tony's lab doesn't have a clock. He uses a stopwatch to time his experiments, but the alarm doesn't work or I'd set it. Anyway, Ted understands."

"Does he? Because when we saw him at _Straightaway's_, he looked pretty upset. Like he's maybe thinking you could set your own watch alarm if you really wanted to remember to meet him."

"Oh. You saw him, huh? Was he really mad? Because he knows it doesn't mean anything. I just lose track of time when I'm busy."

"Maybe he used to know that," Nick said, keeping his tone easy in imitation of Cody. "But now he's starting to worry. He thinks you like this guy, and he's sure this guy likes you. Maybe you need to get your priorities straight, you know?"

Murray put down his spoon and met Nick's eyes, then turned to meet Cody's.

"Ted really thinks that?" he asked in surprise. "He _told_ you so?"

"Well, he'd had quite a bit to drink by the time we got there," Cody said. "Otherwise he wouldn't have shared so much."

"But since he was in a sharing mood," Nick put in, "he told us that he's worried. He's thinking something's going to happen with Tony, and maybe that's what you want. Someone more like you."

"That's stupid," Murray said, picking up his spoon again. "We already talked about this and he knows better. He must have just been upset because I missed dinner, and he's right to be. It was selfish and thoughtless and I'm ashamed of myself, but I'll make it up to him."

"Good," Cody said, laying a friendly hand on his shoulder. "We're just trying to look out for you, you know. We never thought you'd hurt him on purpose."

"Yeah, I—I appreciate that. I ought to call him and apologize. Maybe go over there for lunch or something."

"Calling is a good idea, but you look like you need some sleep before you go anywhere. You don't want Ted seeing you like this," Cody said, half teasing.

"I am pretty tired. If I go to sleep, will one of you wake me at noon? I'll set my alarm," he added quickly, "but could you make sure I get up?"

"Sure, buddy." He squeezed Murray's shoulder and the thin man slipped away.

***

Tony called at ten-thirty, waking Murray out of a sound sleep with a crisis in the lab. Murray had called Ted before he fell asleep and promised he'd be at his house at one, but he was sure he had time for both. He dragged himself out of bed and showered hurriedly, scrambled into jeans and a t-shirt, and asked Cody for the keys to the Jimmy.

"Going to see Ted?"

"Um, yes. But I have to stop by the lab first. Tony had a major setback and I said I'd see what I could do."

"Tony? Why isn't he sleeping, too?"

"He naps at the lab, like I do at the computer. If Ted calls, tell him I'll be on time."

"Sure. Just make sure you are," Cody said. But he had the number of the lab.

"I'll be there."

But as always, he got busy and time slipped away from him. At twelve-thirty, Cody called and reminded him that he had a date for lunch. Murray was oddly torn, wanting to finish his work but knowing that he owed Ted, for last night and for the past few weeks. In the end, he told Tony he had to go and was ashamed of how regretful he felt.

***

"Managed to tear yourself away from the lab?" Ted asked as he opened the door.

"I said I'd be here for lunch and I'm here. I'm sorry about last night, Lieutenant, but it was a onetime thing."

"No it wasn't. You haven't been around for weeks, and when you are around, your head's always somewhere else."

"I'm sorry," he said again. But his voice was softer this time and he moved closer to Ted as he spoke, sliding one arm around his waist and kissing him on the ear. "I love you, you know. Work is work, that's all. I enjoy it, it's exciting, but you're more important. I'm sorry I don't always act like it."

"Forget it," Quinlan said, embarrassed to be caught caring. "How's the experiment going?"

"Fine. I'm surprised Tony's having so much trouble with it, though. He's such an accomplished chemist and now all of a sudden he needs help with everything."

"And you haven't figured out why that is?"

"Well, no. He's quite brilliant and he's done a lot of good work. For someone his age."

"Yeah?" Ted muttered, heading toward the kitchen. "How old is he?"

"About twenty-eight, I think. He just got his PhD, but he already has half a dozen patents."

"Huh." He got the bowls down from the cupboard and started dishing up stew. Murray recognized it as his specialty and knew he'd started working on it yesterday afternoon, before Murray screwed up. Guilt and flattery combined, but guilt won out.

"Can I help with anything? Is there bread?"

"In the oven," he said, thawing just a little. "Did you get any sleep last night? You look like hell."

"Thanks. I got home late and caught a little nap. From now on, I'm going to set my alarm and make sure I get out of there on time."

"That's good. Maybe you'll be over here some evenings for a change?"

"I could be here all day if you want. And all night."

"Yeah? Even if your boyfriend calls with a chemistry crisis?"

"You're the only boyfriend I have. And he doesn't have your number."

Ted gave him his first real smile of the day, as if it was a competition and Murray was the grand prize. For a few seconds Murray wondered how he could ever have taken this good man for granted. Then Ted started talking about the hotel theft case and Tony was forgotten.

"I could help with the surveillance if you want. I mean, if they don't have security cameras already."

"Yeah, well, they don't have much for security, that's for sure. The department doesn't have a budget for equipment, but maybe we can hire the agency for a couple days."

"I'll have to check with the guys, but I don't think we're busy." He dipped a slice of bread in his stew and tasted it carefully. Ted took his cooking very seriously and used ridiculously high quality steak. Murray had been eating his stew for years, but it was always slightly different and always excellent.

"We'll worry about it on Monday. Today we have better things to do."

They ate their lunch, washed the dishes, and went to bed for the afternoon. Murray had a lot to make up for.

***

When he went home early Monday morning, Murray looked better rested than he had in days. It was a testament to how hard he'd been working that he could get more sleep with his lover, and Nick and Cody were glad he'd taken a break. It was probably over, though, judging by the stack of messages from Tony.

"Jeez, how many crises can he have in one day?" Murray sighed, flipping through the notepad.

"I think he only had one," Nick said dryly.

"What?"

"Murray, this guy _likes_ you," Cody said. "He wants you at the lab because he _wants_ you. I told him you were out for the day and he flat out demanded I give him the phone number. When I refused, he just kept calling back."

"You guys are overreacting. Tony—he can do a lot better than me."

"Doesn't look like he wants to."

"You don't know anything about it," Murray said impatiently. "Anyway, you've seen him. He's—he's gorgeous. And his last boyfriend was a lot better looking than me. He dates surfers and mountain climbers. Guys who can be outside for more than ten minutes without burning. You know, guys like you."

"Murray, looks and hobbies aren't everything. If this guy's smart enough to know how sexy brains are, there's no reason he can't be looking at you."

"You're being silly, Cody. Anyway, he's met Ted. He knows I'm not looking for a date. He must just be having a lot of trouble with the experiment. I'll just have a banana and then give him a call."

"At least you got some sleep, right?"

"Yes, of course. I get a lot more rest sleeping with Ted than I do working in the lab, that's for sure."

"I won't tell him you said that."

"You know what I mean," Murray said, already turning toward his room. Then he paused and looked back over his shoulder with an evil grin. "Anyway, we had sex all afternoon. He needed the sleep as badly as I did."

"Probably more," Nick laughed, oddly relieved. Murray stuck out his tongue and went to his room to call Tony.

***

Over the next few days, they set up cameras in _The Harbor Mouth_ hotel and Murray watched the video footage every evening after spending the day at the lab. He didn't get much sleep, nor did he see often Ted, but at least everyone knew where he was and suspicions were kept to a minimum. Ted called the lab at least once a day, always under some pretense about the case, and Murray was always right there to talk, never sounding embarrassed or out of breath. Never sounding like he'd been caught at anything.

But when the case was over and the thief jailed, he started spending more time at the lab again. Tony had moved on to another project and needed just as much help with it as he had the last one. Murray set his watch alarm, but when it went off, Tony was inevitably either on the brink of a crisis or a huge success and begged for five more minutes. Five would turn to ten and ten to sixty as he forgot to reset the alarm, and only Ted's inevitable phone call would remind him that he was late for a movie or that dinner was ruined again.

The third time it happened, he hurried over to find Quinlan dumping overcooked pasta in the trash.

"I'm sorry," Murray said, fidgeting in the kitchen doorway. "I just—"

"Lost track of time," Quinlan said dully. "Save it kid. I've heard it enough times, I don't need to hear it again."

"I—I _am_ sorry, Ted. Here, I'll make us something else. The sauce is still good; I can—"

"Don't bother. Look, why don't you just go home?"

"No," Murray said, suddenly scared. "No, I came to see you. I'm sorry about supper, but we can have something else. You just sit down and—and tell me about your day."

"My day bit the big one, kid. Just go home. Give me a call when you're not so busy."

"No, Ted, wait a minute."

"I _been_ waiting. Minutes, hours, _days_. I'm tired of it. I'm going to bed now. Lock the door on your way out."

Murray tried to protest and Ted threw the pot in the sink with a furious clatter. He shrank back from the doorway and Ted brushed past without looking at him. Murray watched in silence as he went into the bedroom and closed the door. He wanted to keep arguing, but there was no one to argue with. Finally, he turned and left the house, remembering to lock the front door on the way.

***

"Hey, Boz, you're home early," Cody said as Murray came down through the wheelhouse. "Everything all right?"

"No. Guys, I really screwed up."

Nick turned off the TV as Cody stood up and put his arm around Murray's shoulders. He felt a small tremor in the thin frame and knew it was bad.

"Come over here and sit down, buddy. What happened?"

Murray slid onto the bench and folded his arms on the table, letting his forehead rest on his wrists. He sighed deeply and Cody rubbed his back, exchanging worried looks with Nick.

"Come on, Boz. Tell us what happened," Nick encouraged.

"I forgot about dinner again. I set my alarm but when it went off, Tony said he said there was something I just _had_ to see. He said it would only take five minutes."

"And how long did it end up taking?" Cody asked wearily.

"A couple hours," he whispered, deeply ashamed. "I tried to get away a few times, but he kept saying it would just be one more minute. Then I kind of forgot, and suddenly it was really late. When I got over to Ted's, he was really mad. He told me to leave and call when I had time for him."

"He threw you out?" Nick asked, wanting to be angry and unsure at whom to direct it.

"Yeah, basically. He told me to leave and went to bed."

"Murray, buddy, can't you see what's happening here?" Cody sighed.

"I'm screwing up, but I don't know what to do. Guys, what should I do?"

"Get out of this lab work," Nick said promptly and Cody agreed.

"But—but Tony's my friend and he needs me."

"He may need you, man, but he's not your friend."

"What do you mean? Of course he is." Murray raised his head at last, intercepting the looks that passed between his friends.

"No, he isn't," Nick insisted. "Think about it. He knows you're seeing Ted, he knows you have all these plans that are important to you, but he keeps you late every damn day. You're setting an alarm to remind you to leave and he's talking you out of it. Maybe Tony doesn't want you for himself, that's possible, but he's screwing you up with Quinlan and he knows it. There's no way he could _not_ know it."

"That—that doesn't mean it's on purpose," Murray said hesitantly. "I—it's really my responsibility to leave when I need to."

"Yes, it is," Cody said, "but it sounds like Tony's really working at talking you out of it and that's not right. You said he was a good chemist, that he has patents and everything, and you're _not_ a chemist. I know you're good at it, it's an interesting hobby, but how badly can he _really_ need you? From what you've told us, it really does sound like he's keeping you there just because he wants to."

"Still, it's my fault. I should be more insistent that I need to go, that Ted's waiting…"

"You should just walk out when it's time to go," Nick said with finality.

"Wait a second," Cody said thoughtfully. "When you tell him you need to go, do you say it's to meet your boyfriend?"

"Well, sort of. He knows about Ted. He knows that's where I'm going."

"Every time? Or are there times you're going somewhere else, like home to work on a case or a project of your own?"

"A few times, I guess. Why? What difference does it make?"

"Stay with me, Boz. When you're coming home, does he keep you as late or does he let you go?"

"Well, I…" Murray shut his mouth and thought about it. "I guess he doesn't seem to need as much help some days as others. Usually, when I have work to do, he doesn't make such a fuss about it."

"So it's just when you have plans with Ted that he needs you to stay late," Cody pressed. "Murray, can't you see what he's doing?"

"I understand what you're saying, but it doesn't make sense. Why would he want to mess up our relationship? He doesn't want Ted, they don't get along at all, and I can't believe he wants me. You've met him. He's as—as beautiful as you are, Cody, and he dates beautiful, athletic men. Not pale, skinny geeks with thick glasses."

"Well, I don't know about that," Cody said, embarrassed by the comparison. "But he's messing with you for some reason and you need to put a stop to it before it's too late. I know you have to help your friends—I've never seen you turn your back on anyone—but this guy's using you and you're going to lose everything over it."

"And what if he's not? Guys, what if Tony really just wants my help, what if he just likes my company, and I accuse him of trying to sabotage my relationship with Ted? How stupid am I going to look then?"

"So don't accuse him of anything," Nick reasoned. "Just tell him you're too busy and you can't work on his projects anymore. It isn't that difficult, babe. Just tell him you have your own work to do."

Murray nodded silently. He didn't want to do that, he liked having a friend who understood his work and could discuss even the most complex ideas, the things that made everyone else's eyes glaze over. But he couldn't lose Ted over it. Tony might be a good conversationalist, but he wasn't the one Murray loved.

"I really am a fool, aren't I? I deserve to look like one. What's wrong with me, guys? Why do I keep _doing_ this? I spend my whole life looking for someone to love me completely and unconditionally, someone who's always there for me no matter what, and when I find him, I keep screwing him over. I've never been the kind of loser who takes his friends for granted, so why do I keep doing it now?"

"Those are all interesting questions," Cody said, still rubbing Murray's back. "And you'll probably learn a lot about yourself exploring the answers. But right now the most important thing for you to do is stop this train wreck before you go completely off the tracks."

"You're right. I'll tell Tony in the morning that I can't keep working with him, and then I'll go see Ted. Maybe if I explain it, he'll understand that I never meant to hurt him. Do you think it will matter? That I didn't mean it?"

"Yeah, I'm sure it will," Nick said, gripping his bony wrist gently. "Thoughtlessness is always better than deliberate cruelty, right?"

"Sure, but it might be too late to matter. He might not believe it took this long for me to figure it out. I'm supposed to be smart, you know."

"You're plenty smart," Cody said. "And Ted will understand or he won't, but he can't accuse you of deliberately trying to hurt him. Or, if he does, you know you didn't."

"That doesn't comfort me much," Murray sighed. "I think I'll go to bed, guys. Thanks for listening, though. I really appreciate it."

"You ought to have something to eat first," Cody said, rising so Murray could get up.

"I'm not hungry. I just want to go to bed." He told them goodnight and went down to his cabin, head hanging in shame and dejection.

"Poor little guy," Cody murmured, sitting back down beside Nick. "You know, if they taught this stuff in school, he'd be better at it than either of us."

"Probably, yeah. But he'll be okay. We'll make him a good breakfast, he'll ditch Tony, and Ted will forgive him in time for supper."

"I sure hope so. The more I see them together, the more convinced I am that those two were made for each other."

"Like you and me?" Nick asked, seductively.

"Oh, I don't know. I could probably get another good looking tough guy if I wanted to," Cody laughed. Nick took a playful swing at him and he ducked it easily.

"Watch out or I'll take you to bed and show you how tough I am."

"Sounds like fun. Come on, tough guy. Show me what you got."

They went down to their cabin together, no longer thinking about Murray and his romantic quagmire. Had they known he was in his cot in the bow, cursing himself and trying not to cry, they would have tried to help, but it was just as well they didn't. There wasn't anything they could do.

***

Nick made pancakes and bacon for breakfast, mostly as an excuse to force Murray to eat with them. He'd been getting by on cereal in the mornings and granola and M&amp;Ms during the day, and in spite of extra sleep, he was still pale and shaky. He refused the third pancake, but Cody talked him into another strip of bacon, figuring that right now protein was more important than carbs. Murray ate it, drank some orange juice, and thanked them with a wavering smile as he left the galley.

"Think he's going to be okay?" Cody asked, turning worried eyes on Nick.

"Sure. Sure, he always bounces back. Look, worst case scenario, Ted's a little reluctant to forgive him, right?"

"A little reluctant? How about actually unwilling?"

"Okay, but you heard what Murray said. Quinlan told him to come back when he had time, right? That's an invitation if I ever heard one. But no one can resist Murray when he's in full kicked-puppy mode. Those big sad eyes, all ready to turn grateful the second he's forgiven—he could get a presidential pardon with those eyes. And if Quinlan doesn't buy it, we can have a word with him ourselves."

"I never thought I'd hear you say that," Cody laughed, more from nerves than humor.

"What?"

"That you'd put actual effort into keeping them together."

"Why? I stopped wanting to split them up years ago," Nick said defensively.

"I know. But not wanting to split them up isn't the same as actually wanting them to stay together. I'm proud of you."

"He makes our Boz happy," Nick shrugged. "Most of the time, at least. And I'd hate to see him go through a real breakup. His trial runs were bad enough."

"Yeah, I hate seeing a grown man cry. Here, let me help with the dishes. It's my turn."

"It's Murray's turn."

"He'll help when he's feeling better. In the meantime, I'll wash if you'll dry."

***

Murray used his key to enter the lab, realizing only then that just having such a key was a sign that he'd gotten in too deep. This wasn't his place, but he'd nearly allowed it to become so.

Tony was already there, happily stirring something over a Bunsen burner, and he gave Murray a brilliant grin that was difficult not to respond to. Murray bit his lip and looked down at the key ring in his hands, already beginning to work the lab key free.

"What's up, Boz? Something wrong?"

"I—Tony, I need to drop out of the experiment. I just don't have time for it anymore."

"You're kidding," he exclaimed, his bright smile wavering. Two days ago, it would have worked. Today Murray saw something calculating and unpleasant in his friend's eyes. "What do you have to do that's better than inventing? Detective work? Don't be silly. You can do so much more than that."

"I love my work with the agency," Murray said. "But that's not the point. I do lots of other things, programming and inventing—I'm not wasting my time."

"Then what's the problem?"

"The problem is that I don't get any of that done because I'm always here. My own work is suffering, and so is my relationship with Ted. I never seem to get away when I'm supposed to, I break dates all the time, we hardly ever see each other at all anymore."

"That's what this is about?" Tony turned down the flame on his burner and walked around to the other side of the table. His smile was still bright, his blue eyes laughing, and he looked confident that he could talk Murray out of his determination. "You're putting your personal life ahead of what was, and what could still be, a great career? And for _him_? A worn-out, uneducated, old cop who can't possibly understand you _or_ what you're giving up?"

"I love him. He's a good man and I've treated him badly."

"A good man? What does that even mean? Murray, look at us. We're scientists. We're _brilliant_ scientists, and we make a great team. _We_ should be together, Murray. I dropped Brent because he wasn't half the scientist you are. If you drop Ted now, we can be partners in every way. You wouldn't have to worry about being on time for dinner anymore or trying to make conversation with a man you don't have anything in common with."

"We have a lot in common," Murray cried, and then the real meaning sank in. "They were right, weren't they?"

"I doubt it," Tony laughed. And he meant it. Assuming Murray was talking about the old cop or his silly detective friends, Tony didn't think they could be right about anything, especially if it concerned him.

"No, they were. Everyone's been telling me that you were doing it on purpose. Keeping me late so I'd miss dates, taking up all my time to alienate Ted and my friends so—so you could have me. It's all true, isn't it?"

"So what if it is? What's wrong with that? Murray, you don't need them. We could be so great together. Anyway, if you really cared that much about Ted, you'd have gone even after I asked you to stay. I didn't exactly tie you up and lock the door. Although I kind of wanted to."

"Oh no," Murray sighed. "No. I stayed because I thought you needed me and because I—I get too involved in work. I thought you were my friend and I like you—I _liked_—you, but I _love_ Ted. If you make me choose, and you are, then I have to choose him."

"You're not serious. You're going to walk away from everything we've done, the patent and the fortune we could make, not to mention to chance to work with me, so you can watch TV with that old man on Saturday nights?"

"Yes, I am. And stop calling him old."

"Well, he is. He's old, and you're stupid if you really walk away. I haven't submitted the patent application for the degreaser yet, you know. If you leave me now, I'm taking your name off of it."

"Good. I don't want my name on anything that has your name on it, too. I wouldn't want people to somehow get the idea I ever knew you, let alone worked with you or called you my friend."

He laid the key down on the nearest table and turned away.

"Fine," Tony shouted, snatching it up and shoving it into his pocket. "Go home to your old man and your loser friends. Throw away your talent, I don't care. I can do better than you, anyway. I can get a _handsome_ man if I want one. I don't need to settle for a half-baked has-been in taped glasses."

"And I don't need a spoiled brat, for a partner or a friend. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a real friend to apologize to."

***

Murray got out of the lab as fast as he could, into the Jimmy and down the street, where it was harder to hear Tony's angry voice in his head. But he didn't really have anywhere to go. He wanted to run straight to Ted and begin humbling himself right away, although it hadn't been that long since his lover had jokingly told him that he hated that, but he couldn't. He didn't have the right to interrupt Ted's workday and probably embarrass him in front of his subordinates. It would have to wait until his shift ended at five. So Murray drove around aimlessly, not wanting to go home and talk about it yet, and finally found himself pulling up outside the library. That was a good place to kill a morning, so he went inside and found something to read. Lunch was eaten at the hotdog stand down the street, and then he went to the park to finish his book.

His watch alarm beeped at five and he got up at once, thinking ruefully that if he'd been able to do that a little more often over the last few weeks, he might not have to grovel so much today. Well, after three years with the lieutenant, he was getting good at it. He drove over to Ted's, arriving just as the lieutenant was getting out of his car.

"What're you doing here?" Ted called, not sounding particularly interested one way or the other.

Murray took a deep breath, walked right up to him, and said, "I came to apologize. You were right. Everyone was right. Tony isn't—wasn't—my friend, and he was trying to break us up, just like you all thought."

"Took you a while to figure that out, didn't it?" he asked, turning toward the front door.

"Too long, yes. I just couldn't see why he'd be interested in me. I really thought it was about work. But when I went in today to tell him that I couldn't work with him anymore, he started talking about how I should leave you so we could be partners in everything. I guess it means I'm the world's biggest fool, but I never for a minute guessed he felt that way."

"Wait a second," he said, pausing with the keys in his hand. "You did what?"

"I didn't know he was interested in me romantically."

"No, before that. You told him you couldn't work with him _before_ he said you should dump me?"

"Well, yes. I had a little talk with the guys last night and I realized they were right. If Tony really was a friend, he wouldn't have kept monopolizing my time when he knew that you and I were on shaky ground. I liked working with him, I've never had a partner in that kind of work before, but I needed to get my priorities straight and he isn't one of them."

"Well, hell, I never meant for you to quit," Ted muttered, reaching for the doorknob. Murray saw that he was embarrassed and smiled to himself.

"It was the right thing to do. He wasn't going to leave me any time for you if he could help it. He was pretty clear about that, and not very nice, either. I swear, though, I didn't know until he told me. I would never—well, I guess I have—but I didn't mean—what I'm trying to say is I'm sorry. I'm sorry and I'm stupid and I made a whole series of mistakes and I love you," he finished, all in a rush.

"It's all right," Quinlan said, too embarrassed by his humility to let it go on. "You want to come in? I wasn't expecting you so there's nothing to eat, but…"

"That's all right. I don't need anything."

"The hell you don't. You been losing weight again, haven't you? Putting in all those long hours, forgetting to eat and too busy to sleep." He opened the door and Murray followed him inside. "We'll order a pizza."

"Okay. Whatever you say, Lieutenant."

"That's right." He took off his jacket and hung it on the rack by the door. "You really quit the project for me? What about the patent? That was gonna be big money, wasn't it?"

"I told him I didn't want my name next to his on anything. He can have it. Besides, I realized last night what he was doing wrong with the aloe, but I never had a chance to tell him. If he doesn't figure it out soon, he'll give up—he only sticks with the easy stuff, relatively speaking—and I'll patent the formula myself."

"That's my boy," Ted laughed, grinning broadly. Murray couldn't help laughing, too, even though he wasn't sure who he was laughing at.

"So are we okay?"

"So far as I know. And we didn't even have to break up this time." He was still laughing, still happy, and Murray kissed him, pulling Ted's head back and cradling his neck in one slender hand.

"That's the other thing I came over for," he whispered. "Have you forgiven me enough to take me to bed?"

"Hell, I can do that when I'm still mad. But yeah. It was never about forgiving."

Murray kissed him again, then took his hand and went with him to the bedroom. Ted kicked the door shut, backed Murray against the bed until he sat down, and then began to undress him.

"What _was_ it about?" Murray asked, leaning back on his hands so Ted could undo his fly.

"What?"

"You said it wasn't about forgiveness, but you were awfully mad last night."

"We have to talk now?" he asked, pulling Murray's jeans down off his hips.

"Just curious."

"I was mad about what was happening. And not just because you were ignoring me. You were getting hosed and I didn't know how bad it was gonna get. If he'd had to actually kiss you to get the point across, I'da had to kill him." He went to his knees, slipped Murray's shoes and pants off, and spread his legs roughly.

"I'd never let another man kiss me," Murray said confidently, his words trailing off in a moan as Quinlan took him in his mouth. Ted sucked him slow and deep, swirling his tongue all around the shaft and lapping over the head. One hand slid up Murray's thigh, fondling his tightly drawn sac and sending waves of pleasure radiating throughout his slender frame.

Murray didn't know when he'd found time to get the lube, but suddenly Ted's thick finger was pressing into him, a sharp counterpoint to the softness of the mouth that devoured him. Murray loved this part, the impossibility of choosing whether to thrust up or down, of not knowing which was better, to enter or be entered, and so fighting for all that he could get of both. But when he was on the brink of orgasm, clinging by a fingernail to the last shred of sanity, Quinlan stopped and raised his head. He blew once across the wet skin, setting all of Murray's nerves on fire, smiling as his fragile lover shivered and groaned.

"Come here," he ordered, guiding Murray off the edge of the bed with one hand, the other still probing inside him. Murray slid into his lap, sighing soft disappointment when the exploring fingers disappeared and then crying out as they were replaced by Ted's long, heavy shaft. He settled himself comfortably on Ted's thighs and leaned back, his elbows on the bed, so the plump head was firmly seated against his gland. Normally he wanted a good, solid pounding, but today his heart demanded something else. He shifted his hips forward, rubbing his cock against Ted's firm belly, and then back to massage his gland again. Ted grasped his hip with one hand and lent a little strength to his gentle rocking, caressing the length of his body with the other. Tickling across bony ribs, pinching hard nipples, teasing and exploring every bit of skin within reach, Ted did everything he could to make Murray feel good, inside and out.

Murray controlled his posture so Ted's cock never left his gland, and repaid him with the calculated flex and ripple of his deepest muscles. The pleasure was so deep, so solid and full, Murray could happily have ridden it forever. But all too soon, he heard Ted's breathing change, quicken and grow short, and this time he wanted them to come together. He caught the hand that was even then stroking his cheek, kissed the palm softly, and guided it to his cock.

Ted gripped him firmly, pressing the hard shaft to his belly and pumping it with practiced twists of his wrist. Murray tensed all over and thrust up into the skilled hand, needing just a little more to get there. His lover supplied it by thumbing his wet slit and Murray came with a strangled cry. Quinlan pulled him up against his chest and held him close, shooting deep inside him without breaking their rhythm. Murray let his head fall to Ted's shoulder, inhaling the rich scent of him, panting for breath.

"I love you, Lieutenant. You don't doubt that, do you?"

"Not right now, I don't."

"Don't make fun of me while you're inside me," Murray whispered.

"I ain't making fun of you. It's just easier than saying I love you, too."

"But you do."

"I need to say it?"

Murray licked his neck softly, making him shiver.

"No, you really don't. You want to take a shower and order that pizza?"

"You bet." Ted grimaced slightly as his lover pulled off and stood up, but his satisfied smile returned when Murray reached for his hand. A shower and some food was all it would take to make their reconciliation complete.


End file.
